Why Am I Not There Yet?

No matter your progress, there’s a reason why it never quite feels like enough.

Image for post
Image for post

You haven’t arrived yet because life is not about arriving.

You haven’t arrived yet because you think there’s somewhere to arrive to.

You haven’t arrived yet because “arrived” is not a place in life, it’s a place in your mind.

You have done so much work, you have made so much progress. When you measure your life against what it used to be, you see how far you’ve come. You have things you once only dreamed of having. You’ve walked through doors you one only prayed would open.

Yet you woke up today and you were stressed about your inbox.

The kitchen was dirty and you had to think about cleaning it, how you would budget your energy alongside everything else that you have to do.

You thought about going to the gym, and your credit card bill, and what you’re going to cook for dinner.

Every time you thought about one more thing you have to do, you spread yourself out a little thinner, until the list piled up so far, you thought as if you might break.

Why am I not there yet?

You wonder this, as you feel as though you could procrastinate for another 15 minutes, as you reach for the coffee you promised yourself you wouldn’t buy out today, as you remember that other assignment that slipped your mind and realize your to-do list is longer than you thought it was.

You’re not there yet because you’re never supposed to get to the point at which you don’t want to procrastinate. You’re not there yet because you’re not supposed to get to the point at which your life is so robotic you rob yourself of every single creature comfort, like a hot, brand-name coffee in the morning.

You’re not there yet because the kitchen is always going to be dirty, the inbox is always going to be full, the credit card bill is always going to arrive.

And you are going to have to wade through it.

You haven’t arrived yet because you are still waiting for the tipping point of your life to cross you over into happiness. You’re waiting until you have every single last thing in order at which point, you imagine, you’ll release a spontaneous flow of joy. If there is nothing to worry about, happiness is the only other alternative. Right? Not really.

When you funnel so much negative energy toward trying to just complete every last thing on your list, you’re actually training your brain to seek out more problems. Your body doesn’t work like a task list. You don’t complete your last responsibility and then just magically feel good.

You feel good now, or you feel good never.

You feel good even when you know there are dishes to do and bills to pay and food to make at home.

You feel good even when you know you’re not quite where you want to be.

Because you will never be exactly where you want to be —and that is the gift of your life.

What are you running to? Death? When there is nothing else to complete, there would be nothing more to live for. Perhaps instead of just wondering why you haven’t quite arrived, maybe see it as a blessing that you have not yet arrived. Maybe see it as a privilege that you have more growth to do. Maybe see it for what it really is, which is a sign of even more potential that you have within you.

When you start to focus on making the best of anything, as opposed to having the best of everything, your life transforms.

When your mind is in a place of trying to seek out the good, you find immeasurably more good.

When your mind is in a place of trying to seek out one more problem to solve, you’ll find immeasurably more problems.

There’s no place to arrive but right here, right now, in all your growing, glistening glory.

If you have work, it’s because you have a job. If you have dirty dishes, it’s because you had food to eat. If you have bills, it’s because you were able to give yourself and your family the experiences or belongings you wanted or needed. If you have a to do list, it’s because you’re valued.

What you see depends often on where you look, and what you’re trying to find.

Written by

Writer. For my books and mentoring sessions, visit www.briannawiest.com, or reach me here: info@briannawiest.com.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store